I was in the liquor store the other night when the piped-in music caught my attention. It was Taylor Swift’s “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together.” Like, ever. Suddenly, it hit me…if this song were about finishing a book instead of getting over a guy, it would be my theme song.

If you think about it, it makes total sense. It’s the same push-and-pull as a relationship that might not work out. The book wants all your time. It won’t do what you tell it to. It makes you feel like you’re worthless and have nothing to offer. But then…there’s that one moment when you find a part of it that works. And you suddenly think the whole thing is redeemable. That maybe you’re not out of your mind to spend all those hours working on it. But then you hit another part that sucks, and you’re thrown right back into the circle of doubt and mistrust.

Because I apparently have nothing better to do with my time, I rewrote the song’s lyrics to reflect my current state of abject misery and pain regarding the fourth draft of The Red Road.  If you’ve ever struggled with a revision and realized your book needs several more drafts to make it into what it should be, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about.

Presented here is my version of the song, “I Will Never Ever Get This Book Together.”

I Will Never Ever Get This Book Together

I remember when I wrote out the first draft
Saying “This is it, I’ve got enough,” ‘cause like
I’d never done a literary book
And, like, how hard could it be? (What?)

When I wrote it down you heard me say,
“Baby, it’s awesome and I swear it’s gonna sell, trust me.”
Remember how that lasted for a day?
I say, “It’s genius,” re-read it, and then say, “Let’s burn it.”

Ooh, I read it all again last night
But ooh, this time I’m telling you, I’m telling you

I will never ever ever get this book together
I will never ever ever get this book together
First draft lacks emotion, next lacks plot, and third we’ll see
But I will never ever ever ever get this book together

Like, ever

My strong female turned out really lame
And there’s no way that the reader will relate
And they’ll run away and find their peace of mind
With some indie book that’s way cooler than mine

Ooh, I read it all again last night
But ooh, this time I’m telling you, I’m telling you

I will never ever ever get this book together
I will never ever ever get this book together
First draft lacks emotion, next lacks plot, and third we’ll see
But I will never ever ever ever get this book together

Ooh, yeah, ooh yeah, ooh yeah
Oh oh oh

I used to think that I was a good writer
And I used to say, “The future is brighter….”
Ugh….so this book totally needs, like, at least three more drafts
And I’m like…”I just…I mean, this is exhausting, you know, like,
I will never ever get this book together. Like, ever.”

No!

I will never ever ever get this book together
I will never ever ever get this book together
First draft lacks emotion, next lacks plot, and third we’ll see
But I will never ever ever ever get this book together

I, ooh, get this book together, oooh
I, ooh, get this book together

First draft lacks emotion, next lacks plot, and third we’ll see
But I will never ever ever ever get this book together.

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